You know how people always suggest it’s never a good idea to give other people ultimatums? I disagree. I live life in black and white. There are very few gray areas for me, because I believe that when you have discoloration, it gives way to doubt, insecurity, and fear. I certainly believe in change, but I have a hard time with extremely gradual change because it allows people to linger in that gray area I hate so much for too long. People become too comfortable with being fence riders. I even like my seasons to change abruptly. This lack of gray makes me content to argue about Christianity with people all the time, because while I don’t feel like I am the greatest Christian in the world, I think I certainly know exactly what it takes to BE one and just don’t choose to do so all the time. I dislike fence riding, bible rewriting Christians, who softly interpret the bible into some book where God is more like the Buddy Christ from Dogma than a really mighty, sometimes deadly, vengeful, awesome Deity. Anyhow, I am venturing into an area that this post isn’t supposed to be going. I say all that to say, I like black or white. Not a swirl of stormy gray. Ultimatums are the perfect solution for people like me. I am a firm believer in all or nothing. And I have spent most of my life, until recently, living with ultimatums.
I don’t regret much in my life. I have a very, very small list of things that I can truly say that I wish had never happened to me, or I wish I had never done. Out of this small list of maybe 3 things, one haunts me daily. I didn’t give someone important to me an ultimatum, and I should have. It’s the single most regrettable thing I’ve ever done in my life. If ever there were a time for a fine line, I should have drawn one. Every day, instead of feel wholly good about what kind of relationship I have with this person, or taking one day at a time to deal with what I lost with them, I deal with a jumble of emotions, mostly centered around hatred for this gray area that I am stuck with. I feel confusion, sadness, grief, anxiety, and insecurity. All the things that I dislike feeling. All the shades of gray. (No #50Shades, more like A Million…) It’s like a tug of war with my heart, when I could have been blissful in my either/or world right now, had I just done what I normally do. Instead I am stuck with Gray Soup with a side of Dismal Regret.
I feel like it’s perfectly ok to give people ultimatums because you avoid these feelings. You just have to be prepared for the outcome. Unlike giving people a bevy of choices an ultimatum usually allows for one thing or another. It doesn’t give you very much flexibility in the offer, but the response is just as rigid. Instead of having to be disappointed and dealing with some of the things you didn’t want and a few of the ones you did, with an ultimatum you are either going to get what you want or not. I would much rather have an either/or…I can begin to move on if I don’t get exactly what I want. Or, I can be happy with what I got. Simple, right?
How do you feel about ultimatums? Have you learned not to give them or been given one that bothered you? When you feel like you would like to give an ultimatum, what do you do? Avoid them, or go for the gusto and just prepare yourself for good or bad?Tags: 50 Shades, Choices, Either/Or, gray area, regret, ultimatum, ultimatums