Kept Woman? : Why I LOVE Being Taken Care Of
I like being taken care of. Not in that…part time, my boo bought me a gift and groceries kind of way. I like to rely on someone else to make the big decisions and money to finance my life. Out of my entire 28 years on Earth, I have solely provided for myself probably 2 or 3 years. That was mostly to be able to say I did it, and even in those years I had instances where I had help from my parents. When I looked for a significant other, I noticed that having the ability to provide for me often trumped things like appearance and style of dress. While looks fade, comfort and a good retirement plan are forever. Fortunately, I think I lucked up, because 4th Roomy is pretty hot and provides for me, but I digress. I recently asked on twitter why more women won’t admit to wanting to be taken care of. Especially black women. Maybe I am singling out black women because I *am* black, but I sometimes feel embarrassed or ashamed to say that I would rather rely on someone else to care for me, than do the all the work that it would require to care for myself. Especially considering that now, I include two children. But at any rate, I sometimes feel like as a black woman, having that stance is even worse than it would be if I were white. I think a man should be the head of the household. I wouldn’t be comfortable working and making more money than anyone I was with. If I had it my way, I would not have a job again in my life, until my children were, at the very least, teenagers, if not adults.
Lately it seems like the modern woman values making money over taking care of a home. A woman is seen as successful, ambitious, and driven because of how many degrees she has, and how esteemed her job title is. While I agree that a woman who is able to attain those things is great, I don’t particularly care for how a woman who would prefer to care for her children full time, and rely on her spouse to care for her and their family is considered less than. If you say in a public forum that you’d like someone to take care of you while you manage a home and children, you hear the terms lazy and gold digger. You are accused of lacking ambition. I once argued with someone for hours about how a woman who chose to be a housewife could still be VERY ambitious, to no avail. Apparently ambition is reserved for a six figure salary. That aside, I feel ambitious. I aspire to raise healthy, well adjusted children. I want to develop an audience with my blog, even if money doesn’t come along with that. I certainly want to make sure I have a happy husband and family, and manage our day to day activities. I want to motivate my family, and even though I don’t get a salary, I feel like I am paid in
gum love. I want to grow up with children who don’t feel like care needs to be outsourced. I want to nurture them now, because I want them to get old and feel the need to nurture ME.
I also think being a wife is the hardest job I’ve ever had. I’ve managed teams of over 20 people, organized store openings, had to work 12+ hour overnight shifts to do store sets, taken inventory of I don’t even know HOW MANY Nordstrom stores. Caring for and cleaning up after 4 people is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I am responsible for the social schedules of four people. I make meal plans, clean, facilitate normal daily exercise, reading and other things essential to regular life. And for the most part, I am pleasant about it. I unload groceries, move heavy items and sanitize and bandage every cut, scrape, bruise and bump. I have to fit myself into those activities and I often go without just so everyone else can be content. And I am managed by someone else financially. My wants and needs are controlled. Sometimes, even though I know I CHOSE it, it is bothersome that I may think some need is more important than another, but the final say lies in my husband’s hands. And, after all this, I am just starting out at this job. It’s only going to get harder as we all grow together.
I grew up under strong male figures. Even with a mother who is a force to be reckoned with, my step father was always the man of the house, and would make that very clear. My dad supported a family while also putting himself through school. Both men were the dominant figures in their homes. I came to respect that. I looked for qualities in men that were possessed by my own fathers. I wanted a man to not only feel responsible for his family, but OBLIGATED to them. As a product of divorced parents, I even saw that my father considered me and my mother family even though they weren’t together. If I needed him for anything, he was there. I am comfortable trusting my husband in the same way. I know he wants to provide for me and our children. I was fortunate to have seen him before we were married, and even when MY well being wasn’t his responsibility, he still cared.
I went to a white college. I saw dozens of my white, female counterparts go to college, graduate, sometimes go on to attain another degree then get married and stay at home to care for her children. She can blog, or go to the gym, or have parent groups and just exist, financed solely by the income of her husband and no one bats an eye. On the converse, I see SO MANY black women struggle to balance work and home. I often see black women BRAG about how they can manage home, a high powered job and children, despite being stretched thin and having difficulties. I am not saying that making this choice and doing this is WRONG. What I feel like is wrong is that a woman who chooses NOT to do that, doesn’t want to stretch herself thin between employment, home care and child rearing is seen as lesser. I am comfortable admitting that I am happy being taken care of. I understand that makes me appear less ambitious to some, I know to others it might make me seem inferior or lazy, but to me, I feel special and comfortable and loved.
Are you more career or home oriented? Do you think less of women who want to be cared for? Do you think that they lack ambition? What do the women you were raised by do?Tags: Ambition, Black women, care, provided, Stay at Home Mom, Taken Care Of