Its Fun to Be a Fan
Ironically, I stole this picture.
When I started blogging, I had a lot of people read my posts, say they really liked them and then thank me, because it helped them get the courage to start their own blog. Oh. I mean, that’s ok. I certainly am not the first person to start a blog. I am not the best writer, or the most interesting woman in the world. I have a long way to go, and lot more work to do to even be considered a real live ‘blogger’…but, I can’t lie and say that it doesn’t make me a little annoyed when people thank me for the inspiration to blog. I didn’t blog because people inspired me. I certainly read blogs. There are a lot of blogs I read and say to myself…this writer has all these fans and really sucks as a person/writer. I probably could do this and be successful, because I think I am a better person/writer. But THAT’S not what inspired me to blog. On twitter, I had some of my followers suggesting I blog for almost 2 YEARS. “Cara, if you blogged, I would read it!” they’d say over and over again. I appreciated that, and I can honestly say most of the people who said that, DO read my blog now. But once again, that’s not what inspired me to blog.
I have always liked writing. I used to do it all the time. I had both a Blogspot and Xanga blog when I was a college student. I kept a journal that my sister gave me after the twins were born, and wrote in it regularly. I still sometimes pull it out in the middle of the night, or when the twins are napping and write in it because it’s where I keep my most intimate, special thoughts. My inspiration for sharing my experiences publicly was my love for writing things down. I thought, maybe I have a voice and I can share it with people. Currently, even after being thrust into a crazy world of bloggers, and learning about how to market myself for monetary gain, my number one reason for blogging is to have an audience. I just want people to read me and relate to me. I didn’t get this inspiration from anyone else but myself. And even with prodding, and knowing I would be good at it, I didn’t start doing this (again) until I was absolutely READY to do so. Ask my webmaster, he had to hassle me for months to even create a domain name.
It bugs me that we live in a world where people are driven by “I can do that too” instead of “I love this, want to work at it, am good at it, and am passionate about it”. I read a lot of typical blogs written by black women. I read a lot of typical blogs written by mothers. I read a lot of typical blogs written by black women who are mothers. Everyone is experimenting with photography, or a foodie, or experimenting with photography by taking pictures of the great food they make because they are a foodie. They review the same products, the push the same content. A lot of these blogs lack originality, a voice and an appeal. I can only believe they do it as a means to an end and not because they love what they are doing. The internet feels like a highway in L.A. at any given time of the day. Its crowded with people, in the same lanes, doing the same thing. Where is the originality? I really enjoy the bloggers who do it first, and do it because they love it. You can tell from their writing style, from their unique perspective, that instead of just seeing someone and copying their formula for success, they actually enjoy what they do and do it for THEM. Not profit, or freebies, or because someone else did it and got profit or freebies.
I know I am sounding like a bitch. Welp. Newsflash, it’s in the URL. I can be bitchy. I also have a set of twins, was a single mom for almost four years, am married now, and am not ANYWHERE NEAR the typical stay at home mom blogger. I’m not vanilla, I don’t blog about my craft table. I don’t even really like kids that aren’t my own. I am unapologetically black and bitchy. Black and bitchy doesn’t work for a lot of people on the internet. I have good traffic though, so obviously someone wants to read about a bitchy black mom. I write for them. Sometimes I get drunk. Right this moment…I am planning a 250 guest wedding. Will I ever blog about it? Likely not the way you think I would. There are already too many bitches on the internet getting married and pinning shit to an imaginary vision board that they absolutely must have but maybe can’t afford. I don’t knit. I don’t want to knit. Shit that’s knitted usually looks like crap to me. Instead of seeing all these things on the internet and emulating the formula for “success” because it’s popular, I brought something else to the table. I am snarky, abrasive, unapologetic, and unique. I want more of that. I want more vulnerability too. I want to read about a problem without a solution. I want to read about how you failed from time to time. I don’t see that, so I brought it to the table.
I am not knocking people who find inspiration in others. That’s commendable, and if it works for you fine. I am sorry for using this whole post to call you an unoriginal poser. Kind of. But just don’t find inspiration in others to copy their style. The internet is full of the same shit. Be different. Offer a perspective that isn’t already there. If you can’t offer a unique perspective, be content to be a FAN of unique perspectives. Find some other highway, with another group of lanes that you can drive down and BE ORIGINAL. There’s already so much cloning and copying, I want something new. The next time you see someone doing something well and gaining success, ask yourself if you can really do it better, or will you just be doing it the same and riding on trendy coattails. If the answer deep down inside yourself is no…then be a fan. It’s totally ok to be a fan.
Tags: blog, blogging, content, fan, original, unoriginal
Obviously I don’t know what else may have been said along with “You inspired me to blog”, but maybe those people really did have “I love this, want to work at it, am good at it, and am passionate about it” as their reason. They just were scared to do it until they saw someone they relate with on some level (you) who was doing it.
I think it’s easy for many of us to see someone doing cool stuff and to exaggerate in our minds the work/ability it must take to do those things well. Now, I’m not saying that cool stuff comes about through little hard work and lack of skill. No. Just that we all are capable of a lot more than we give ourselves credit for, I think. A personal example: I work in a graduate school and myself still don’t have a bachelor’s degree. I spent 2.5 years in college before dropping out when I got pregnant with our oldest child, and have gone back to school, just haven’t finished yet. A bachelor’s degree isn’t that major of a thing to accomplish academically or intellectually. I’m not saying it’s a breeze, but a LOT of people who aren’t geniuses do it. I really psyched myself out about it for years, though. For me the challenge of finishing my degree was time, money, logistics. Not whether or not I was intellectually capable. Yet – slowly, my frustration with the logistical aspects of finishing became all mixed up in my self-perception of my intelligence. I was in gifted, honors, AP all throughout school, an overachiever, a joiner. Yet not finishing that degree and seeing my peers – many of whom I know aren’t as smart as I am – finishing, made me feel so stupid.
Ok, I’m getting to a point here.
Well, after getting a job at this grad school, I was around students earning masters and doctorates, and working with a ton of people who have doctorates. And guess what – they’re regular people. Smart, yes. Hard-working, mostly. But they’re just people. A lot of the fear and mystique I’d held toward education was stripped away as I realized that I, too, could accomplish what they did. And that inspired me to go back to school to finish my bachelor’s. It’s also inspired me to possibly go on for a master’s degree at some point. And who knows – probably not, but maybe – a Ph.D.
So I’d say for myself that the desire, the ability, even the drive was there. But my confidence wasn’t.
As for your other point – which after reading all the way through, I think is maybe your main point – I wholeheartedly agree. Please, enough with the filler blogs with no real content or uniqueness. I don’t think that we should use “Can I do it better?” as a litmus for whether we should do something or not. Maybe an average, “good enough” blog is valuable to others because it introduces the blogger’s friends or family to the blog world. Maybe it’s valuable for the self-development (including, but not limited to, self-confidence) of the blogger. I may not finish my bachelor’s degree with the highest GPA – better than my classmates – but it will still be extremely valuable to me. If someone isn’t impressed with my degree they don’t have to hire me, and if someone isn’t impressed with a blog, they don’t have to read it.
Ashley, first thanks for reading! Next, you’re right. Sometimes seeing someone you relate to doing something can certainly give you the courage you lacked to do it as well. However, when you complete your degree, are you going to thank all those people who weren’t smarter than you who did it before you for inspiring you to complete it? Doubtful. They certainly weren’t there to help you write your papers, or taking tests by your side. They didn’t put out sample papers daily for you to read and use cliffs notes off to piggyback on their subject matter and get a good grade. Not to mention, for me, art & education are different. Education is a means to test and measure your knowledge, while art is a test and measure of your creativity. If you constantly seek “inspiration” from another persons creativity, where is your own creative process?
My post did start at one end, and get to another, but I hoped that it tied the concepts in together. For me, its mostly annoying when people gather “inspiration” to blog from other bloggers, because it generates content that isn’t unique. I haven’t seen anyone who gathered “inspiration” from elsewhere do anything NEW. Another good point that you made was that not everyone blogs to be unique or have a lot of readers. Maybe they just blog to feel better, or to get their feelings out daily. I definitely didn’t mean to pigeon those kinds of people as posers. I think more than anything, I am frustrated with people who think there is some sort of formula for success via blogging that they can emulate, rather than trying to dig deep within themselves, figure out what they are good at, and doing that OR just recognizing everyone isn’t a blogger. If everyone writes blogs and no one reads them or comments, or the only readers and commenters are other bloggers, this art that will become arbitrary. It bugs me because I want people to read my work and say this is inspired me to be a better parent, or talk about an issue that I was having as well, or something in relation to my content…because I like having readers. I like having fans.
Have you ever noticed that people are content to be fans of sports? Sure, people enjoy basketball, but they recognize hey, just because I had a good jump shot in high school, doesn’t mean I am gonna walk onto the Knicks squad and be the new Carmello. They are ok to recognize that someone’s talent is better than their own, and ok with realizing that maybe the thing they are doing isn’t for them. PLENTY of professional athletes inspire people with their diligence. People say…oh they worked hard at what they loved and became this. Let me figure out what I love, work hard too, and become something I want to become. But, when it comes to art, its totally ok to just yank the idea. See a person painting, become a painter. See a photographer snapping pictures, buy a camera, become a photog. See a person gather an audience blogging…buy a domain and do it too! Why aren’t more people ok with being FANS? Does that make sense? Or did I just say a bunch of crap in a few paragraphs lol?
If so, still…thank you for reading
Oops, I thought I was replying within the thread, sorry!
Ha, no, I don’t think you just said a bunch of crap! I really do agree with you. I think we both have valid points and they’re not necessarily arguments because we’re kind of talking about different things. Copying vs. inspiration. But I think even if someone really is inspired by you, it can be difficult to connect that inspiration with something more unique to their skills.
Sometimes it’s hard to see outside the box, to use a very tired phrase. I hate to think of myself this way, but over time I’ve identified that in some respects, I get tunnel vision, or have a hard time imagining what isn’t right in front of me. I’ve thought about this a lot lately in terms of career. When I was in high school, I looooooved my history class and a specific teacher. So I thought, “I’ll be a history teacher.” and I majored in secondary education in college. Then I took a great anthropology class and switched majors to anthropology because that seemed more in line with what I’d wanted all along. “OHHH, so teaching history isn’t really what I wanted, I just feel connected to that teacher and the subject matter. Anthropology is really more up my alley.”
Later in life, I was working in HR for a big company and was very involved in our company’s diversity team, United Way campaign. I loved feeling like I was helping people and part of something that opened people’s minds. I thought, “I’ll have a career in HR.” But that wasn’t really what I wanted, either. A few years later I was ready to leave the corporate world and thought, “Maybe I’ll be a social worker.” because the people I knew who were “helping people” were social workers.
It’s taken me a long time to pull off the blinders and realize that yes, I’m most drawn to helping people and to culture and stories and history and race and class and poverty and the way all those things mix together. I no longer have a specific career path that I’m certain of (though I do have some solid ideas), but I’m able to see that there are many more options out there than I knew of in the past.
Why is any of that relevant? I’m thinking of the reader who connects with you, and sees you connecting with others. They see the variety of people commenting on your blog. They see the fun or cool things you’ve been a part of since you started blogging. They see recognition you’ve received out in the world of social media. Well, maybe they want those things too, and assume “that’s what happens when you have a blog.” Of course, you can develop friendships and experience cool stuff without being a blogger, but maybe they have their blinders on the way I did. It will take them time to realize that blogging is actually not a great fit for them (most will eventually get tired of faking it and not making it) and will look for those aspects of life elsewhere.
What’s really sad is that a lot of the blogs that have the exact same content as everyone else have tooooons of readers and interactions. I don’t get it. I personally see this most in the crafty blogging circles (I call them the puppies and unicorns crew) and for a while, because of my Etsy shop, I was trying to get into that whole thing. I just couldn’t cut it, though. I wanted less pictures, more text. Less “I must stick to a rigid schedule of only posting about certain things on certain days and I must link up to XYZ other bloggers and linky parties” and more content driven by whatever is on the blogger’s mind. I couldn’t keep up with doing those things on my own blog and it got stale almost immediately so I didn’t even want to. And you know, the majority of my content is idea and text-heavy, and I get very few comments, often none at all. So I just write when I feel like it and really have something to say because pushing for anything else is honestly just futile. I agree with you – I wish all bloggers would really consider what their purpose is and what content they’re giving to the world. I suppose they’re keeping freelance website designers in business, so there’s that. Ha.
Hey Cara, glad you touched on this topic because I can relate. I started blogging in 2005 just to vent out my own frustrations. I didn’t want an audience or comments but I knew publishing on the world wide web was not exactly a private journal, so I kept my blog to myself and off the search engines. Years later, I shared the link with close girlfriends and they became my audience. I blog because I write. I have 7 years of some good stuff and probably a lot of junk, which I hope I can transform into something greater in the future. But anyway, it wasn’t until recently ( 3 months ago) that one of my readers urged me to share my blog in the social sphere but I found that thought scary for many reasons. Though I gave in to the gentle push just a couple of weeks ago, now I find myself holding back from things I want to write because I have this itty bitty audience. Many bloggers do want the creds and to be relatable and some really want attention. Blame social media. Anyhow, just wanted to share the hidden blogger’s perspective. Love your blog!
Cara,
I can completley agree with you, I have been interested in blogging for awhile. Only because i too read blogs alot and find not one blog as a single black you single mother that i can relate too.I want a blog more for other black young single mothers can bounce ideas off of each other. I wanted my blog to be helpful to other people in my situation also and shed light on it also. But im selfish i love my free time and i hate failure, lol call me self centered but i dont know how interesting i may be to people but nevertheless its an experience that i believe will help me grow as a person. And im sorry but i have to say it, you didnt inspire me but you showed me that young black women who dont always please other people with there opinion can still have a succesful blog.
Thanks, Barbara
I know what you mean. When I first started. Logging way back when, I was just blogging to write about what was going in with me. I had. I audience and didn’t have to please anyone. Then I got a few readers, read a few other blogs. And for a time, I can honestly say I was trying to ” keep up with the joneses” I kept my content happy bland and marketable. But it dawned in me one day that blogging was feeling like work. Because I was posting everyday like everyone else. I was posting about what everyone else was. BORING. So I stepped back and started posting for me again. So that mean that I won’t get millions of readers or brands wanting me or paid reviews. But I’m ok with that now. I just want an audience who understands me, gets me enjoys my writing and my photos.
Just today Blogger sent me the link to the very first blog I ever started in 2005. Why I started it? Because I had been writing in a journal forever and was also on LiveJournal and it seemed like a natural progression. Reading those initial post? Boring but I didn’t start blogging because someone else was doing it but a lot of people do. And you are right…if you read any amount of blogs, most of them are all the same. They are reviewing the same products at the same time and giving away the same item. It’s pretty monotonous and boring. Everyone wants to be like Deuce or the Bloggess, I suppose. Notoriety, book deals, tons of fans and while that’s admirable, that ship has sailed. At least in my opinion it has.
And for the record it is refreshing to have stumbled upon your blog (via Mommy Boots and Veronica Armstrong) and not find the same vanilla. But then again with a url like yours, one had to know it was going to be unique.
Melissa, I was in my spam comments, and just noticed for some reason your comments were automatically thrown in there! My bad. Thanks for reading, first and foremost. Secondly, even though you didn’t enjoy your blog from so long ago, it had to be cool to see your progression as well as to still feel like you had a unique voice. That’s awesome. I appreciate you stumbling upon my blog! Please drop by & comment again, I promise I won’t spam you lol
I like what you have to say, I have been blogging since 2008 seriously and while I was inspired by a few bloggers, I quickly realized I had to be me. That meant accepting the fact that I am not crafty, I take shitty ass pictures and basically I like to run my mouth. While I have received a few accolades in the blogging world, in the end, I blog because I enjoy it. A few readers have become offline friends and just meeting people I enjoy in the end is my reward.
It actually saddens me to see so many newer bloggers coming online clearly trying to emulate someone else, I don’t think they realize that their lack of personal passion and talent comes through. I must admit it’s nice to see another blogger who just enjoys writing and isn’t afraid to write long posts.
Besides as a bitchy almost middle aged Black woman, I say we need more of us online!