Bitchujusmad.com - Stupid Dope Mom Blogger

DENIED

Recently a person close to me asked me to blog about this topic. We’ve all been there. You are single…or dating…or married, and a guy is interested. And you’re…not. Only, he’s a decent enough guy that you aren’t trying to give him the number to the local movie theatre, or just hit ignore every time he calls. You want to tell him you aren’t interested without bruising his ego to the point where he never wants to see your face or speak highly of you again. I have to be honest with you, I am not good at this. I like attention a lot. I have been known to sacrifice men’s feelings for fleeting satisfaction or a free meal here and there more than a few times in my past. What I was recently reminded of though, was that even though I haven’t been the greatest living example of my words, I have given good advice on the matter. So, just do as I say and not as I do, ok?

Don’t lie. That’s the number one rule when telling a man you aren’t interested. The moment you make up a sob story about how your ex was an alcoholic and you can’t get over the trauma of seeing him stumble in night after night singing Drake lyrics and sloppily kissing you, which is why you can’t date anyone new…that’s when things can (and likely will) go wrong. Be straight with him. If you’re emotionally unavailable, or he isn’t your type or he reminds you of that one cousin you have that used to stick boogers on you…whatever it is, no matter how silly or trivial be straight with him. There’s nothing worse than lying, and then having a man waiting around for you to get over whatever it is you lied about to notice him. And regardless of what men would like you to believe about masculinity or male opportunity, they will wait around if they like you enough.

Don’t back peddle. If you tell a man you aren’t interested, don’t keep his number, don’t call him on lonely nights or see what he can do for you when you need a self esteem boost. That’s what the twitter bathroom mirror photo shoots are for, obviously. Just kidding. Kind of. Find validation in yourself. Or from an avenue in which your esteem boost isn’t at the expense of someone else’s time, energy, emotions or resources. Most women have been the victim of a man looking to satisfy his momentary loneliness, and it hurt when you realized all your effort, and what you thought was genuine interest, wasn’t. So don’t do it to anyone else.

Do establish a friend zone. No one likes to hear the words “friend zone”, let alone BE in it. This is why its a great way to dismiss a guy who is more interested in you than you are in him. Especially the extra persistent ones. When I was single, nothing said “I’m not interested” more than asking for advice on or about another man in your life. Or asking him to come over to your next girls night to watch SATC2 and bash the lackluster, rushed plot. When establishing a friend zone though, be careful to not do things one on one. Always invite OTHER friends. Preferable female ones. That way, none of the activities can be mistaken for a date. Him sitting around watching you paint your toenails might seem innocent to you, but he could have a foot fetish, you know? Always pay your half, always leave separately. Make your goodbye greeting something ridiculously friendly. Try “I am so lucky to be able to have platonic guy friends, most girls are secretly attracted to their male friends, BUT NOT ME & YOU!” or “Next time you should bring a girl you’re dating. I bet I would LOVE her!”.

I know MOST men I know will read this and bellyache if I don’t add this one… DO BE STRAIGHTFORWARD. I feel like I covered it with don’t lie, but then kind of strayed with lengthy plots and scenarios. So, I’ll reiterate, the best way to let a guy know you’re not interested is to SAY “hey, I feel like you like me in a way I don’t like you. I am flattered, but I am just not into you in the same way”. I know it sounds harsh, finite, maybe even insensitive, but its the BEST way to say EXACTLY what you need to. Any man with sense with respect you for it in the long run, even if he doesn’t exactly like you for it in the moment.

What are some of the ways you have rejected a person who was interested in you that you weren’t interested in? Any major fails? Any major wins?